I'm bored waiting for family to show up (flight was delayed), so I made a nerdy character class. Would you believe I've never actually played DD except for a couple Bioware games?

Henry Burton Atwood
Level 0 Human Offspring
STR: 1
CON: 1
DEX: 1
WIS: 18 (wisdom of children)
INT: 1 (unable to talk implies less-than-3)
CHA: 20 when content, -1 for every consecutive minute that it is not entirely satisfied with life. Returns to 20 the instant it becomes contented again.

Spells:
Banshee's wail (at will until level 3, 2/day until level 10)
Charm person (at will until level 10)
Cloudkill (50 / day until level 5)
Geas (only targetable on mother, father)

Offspring gains one level per year regardless of XP, until level 18.

Offspring will gain one point of STR, CON, DEX, and INT at a rate of 1 point per level for 3 + 2d6 levels.

At level 3, WIS will be reduced to 4 and increase at a rate of 1 point per level for 2d6 levels.

After 4 levels, Offspring will lose CHA at the rate of 1 point per level for 6 + 2d6 levels, then regain charisma for 1d6 levels. Furthermore, beginning at this point the time before application of CHA penalty doubles but the penalty quadruples. So a level 4 Offspring takes 1 minutes for a 1 CHA penalty, a level 5 Offspring takes 2 minutes for a 4 CHA penalty, a level 6 Offspring takes 4 minutes for a 16 CHA penalty, and so on. The Charisma cooldown rate increases at a rate of 1 hour per level -- so after 2 hours of unbroken contentedness, a level 6 Offspring will lose all CHA penalties. At levels 13 through 16, Offspring cannot become content.

At level 4, Offspring gains Tasha's Hideous Laughter (at will). Loses it at level 10.

At level 13, Offspring may multiclass without XP penalty. The combined level is used to calculate current primary stats and spells.

Offspring's alignment must be any Evil from level 1 through level 4, inclusive. Offspring's aligment must be any Chaotic from level 13 through level 18, inclusive.

Taking classes in Offspring comes at a 10% XP penalty for every level beyond the 18th.